The Superfluous

Wow. Ever feels like you are going backwards with the writing?
Well this is how I feel with that "£$@!~& book at the moment.
I mean okay you edit, and then you edit and then you edit some more. But seriously, this is insane.
I know I am all over the place. I have been editing this back and forth, back and forth for far too long but this is how I work. I can't work or edit page by page, progress linearly as they say. I just can't.
So now for the first time (third draft) I am re-reading the story entirely.
That means from the beginning.
Yeah of course from the beginning. Doh. The thing about that is that I just came out from the other end of the tunnel and re-reading the beginning again, well it just reads too darn awful! The story have progressed so much that re-reading the beginning feels really weird and it feels disconnected from the end. Writing is such a strange process.
Actually If I re-read the four above lines, I know (pausing and correcting myself) I mean I am guessing that it is not only the story that has progressed but I have progressed with it. And re-reading myself feels like I am reading an amateur. Which I am. But still!!
I guess it took me so long to know where this was going that I lost myself with it, well I know I was lost and now that I do know where this is going, I see that the story has to move and go to the point (which i thought I had updated but obviously not enough.)
It should mean that it is a good thing, right? I have progressed. Wrong!
Although I can now see the excess, the superfluous, the wasted, the inessential, it is also causing me to wonder if I am going to re-read the whole thing feeling this way.

Did I actually write this story at all or did someone else do it for me?
I wonder.